By: Matt McQuaid

For those of you who don’t watch The Daily Show, 30 Republican senators recently came under fire for voting against the so-called “Franken Amendment” authored by Junior Senator Al Franken (D-MN), which would bar the Pentagon from hiring government contractors who prevent employees from taking rape claims to court. The debate around this so-called “rape” trend has been contentious for sure, with condemnations coming from both sides of the aisle. But has anyone really taken a look at the broader political implications inside the beltway?

First, off, you have to consider where these Senators come from: Kentucky. Alabama. Georgia. South Carolina. Mississippi. You’re probably saying you yourself right now, “Wow, why didn’t I see this sooner? Everyone knows that the south is the HEART of America’s rape industry. These Senators are just doing what any responsible politician does: protecting the business interests of their constituencies. And these constituencies are going to shut up and take it whether they like it or not.

Speaking of interests, we can’t discount the powerful influence of the rape lobby. Pro-rape interest groups such as Citizens Who Could’ve Sworn She Was Awake, the No Means Yes Coalition, Professional Athletes Against Frivolous Lawsuits, and the Roman Polanski Foundation have worked hard to make sure their voices are heard in Washington. They’re not going to let some little bitch like Al Franken stop them from doing what they do. Just look:  According to opensecrets.com, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell received over $600,000 in his victory over Democrat Bruce Lunsford in campaign donations from Pro-Rape interest groups (FULL DISCLOSURE: he didn’t really).

Now you’re probably saying, “okay, but surely there has to be an ideological reason why they voted against the amendment, not everything in politics is tied to special interest,” and you’re right.  With the feminist movement kicking into high gear in the late 60s and early 70s, it’s only natural that Middle America (the good America) responds in a backlash to these so-called hippie “anti-rape” ideologues. I mean, do we really need even more frivolous government intervention? Any traditional conservative that supports limiting government interference in the daily lives of citizens knows that
Congress has no right to regulate what goes on in the bedroom while they’re working for Halliburton.

It’s for these reasons Republicans have historically supported a woman’s right not to choose. Few of us will ever forget Newt Gingrich’s famous declaration on the floor of the House during the Lewinsky scandal: “I’m not against infidelity, I’m against consensual infidelity.” Anyone that looks at the Conservative literary cannon can see a clear pro-rape manifesto. Ayn Rand’s Atlas Raped inspired a movement, as did Barry Goldwater’s The Conscience of a Conservative (Rapist) and William F. Buckley’s ground-breaking magazine, National Review (of Why Rape is Awesome).

Then again, things were simpler in those days. In the old days, conservatism was a united movement, with a common enemy (homosexual communists without guns). Nowadays, the GOP is more fractured. Evangelicals don’t like the so-called log-cabin Republicans, the Libertarians have issues with Neo-Conservatives, and Anne Coulter’s followers have problems with Michael Steele.

This renewed debate over rape is sure to highlight some of the growing divisions within the Republican party. For example, what about date-rape? How does the GOP reconcile its love of rape with its hatred for illegal drugs? Also, what about gang-rape? Could GOP senators who support gang-rape measures appear soft on crime? Bro-rape is also a growing trend, but if senate Republicans come out in favor of it, do they risk alienating their future base? These issues are surely going to present some obstacles to an already-fragile party.

Finally, I have to mention this: a new website called republicansforrape.orghas been put up as a response to the Franken Amendment. This website, although new, could signal the beginning of something big: a growing grassroots pro-rape movement. With the Tea-baggers, the Birthers, and the nuts at town hall meetings, all the GOP needs is a rape movement to tie together the foundation of the 21st century Republican party. Watch for more of these developments on the Fox News Channel, because hey, they’ve been raping responsible journalism for more than a decade.