It sometimes amazes me what people get offended by. It’s especially amazing to me that people still get offended by gentalia jokes. I mean honestly, who doesn’t like a good dick and balls joke? They are light, pleasurable, and everyone can relate. Well, at least guys can. But alas, there is always some group of humorless people out there who are easily insulted and have nothing better to do with their time than ruin the fun for the rest of us.
Ben and Jerry’s recently released a flavor of ice cream called “Schweddy Balls.” The inspiration for the flavor came from a classic SNL skit starring Alec Baldwin. (If you haven’t seen it, you really should check it out.) Now, any normal and sane person would look at this scenario, get a good chuckle out of it, and maybe partake in the eating of some fine ice cream. This however is America, where the mention of testicles causes uproars of massive proportions.
A Mississippi-based mom’s organization called the One Million Moms group is demanding that supermarkets boycott the ice cream claiming that “the name is nothing but locker room humor that’s not appropriate for young children.” Now, I’m not trying to tell people how to raise their children. It is completely on you how you want to bring your kid up in this crazy world. But please don’t act like I have to give a shit about your dumb kids. The majority of them are going to grow up to be major disappointments who love dick and balls jokes anyway, so can we drop the charade? I mean really. Do guys have balls? Yes. Do they get sweaty sometimes? Absolutely. Are sweaty, vinegary balls hilarious? You betcha.
So then what exactly is the problem? You are all moms. Correct me if I’m wrong, but to produce your stupid offspring in the first place you needed a pair of balls, among other things. So why are you acting as though they are some sort of evil entity at the heart of all of the world’s problems? This is a complete smear campaign of testicles if you ask me. Now I’ll be the first to admit they are not the prettiest things in the world. But where they lack in beauty, they make up tenfold with functionality. Without balls, there would be no mankind. And that’s science talking, not me.
Is the plan to just shelter these kids from the fact that human beings have reproductive organs? I mean when a toddler says “Hey, what’s this,” and points to his or her junk, are we supposed to yell at them for their locker room antics? Just stop. In a technological age where all you have to do is type the word tits in Google and watch as millions of “results” appear, there is no getting around that fact that kids are going to grow up a little faster these days. There is information about everything out there, whether you like it or not. So instead of trying to hide from it, why not embrace it? Embrace dirty jokes. Embrace offensive humor. We live in an offensive world. Children die every day from various reasons including murder, disease, and starvation, and you want me to care about your kid learning a dirty saying from a carton of ice cream? Now that’s offensive.