Those damn phones are at it again, and this time they are ruining friendships and any other emotional relationship you can think of. Outings have become tasks that need to be checked off, and meeting new people seems to be almost impossible, and it all leads back to that small cellular device.
If you’re on TikTok or social media at all, you’ve probably heard the phrase “protecting my peace,” which many have taken to mean prioritizing your own comfort over that of others. For instance, if plans with a friend feel like a chore, then cancel. Protect your well-being, and so what if you never speak to them again? This endless cycle of making plans and then cancelling at the last minute has become a form of self-care that has instilled harmful habits that could cause friendships to fade away.
By prioritizing yourself over others in this way, you lose the ability to create deep and meaningful relationships with those who really matter. You can’t be selfish in a friendship when the whole point is to overlap your lives and support each other.
In addition to cancelling plans, many have stopped helping their friends just for the sake of helping them. Helping others without the expectation of getting something back is how we show others we care, and when we stop driving our friends to the airport or helping them move, we lose the opportunity to make a community with those around us.
Texting fatigue has also been on the rise, where many people feel drained by the amount of texts and notifications they get, so they’d rather not respond at all than face the onslaught of people who need them for one reason or another. Humans weren’t meant to be accessible 100% of the time, so now that we are, it becomes yet another chore rather than an opportunity to talk with a friend.
Some even consider late texts as proof that the other person isn’t as dedicated to the connection and have used it as an excuse to cut people off. It is becoming harder and harder to keep up with friends while the stakes are raised higher and higher. This will only lead to poorer relationships. I don’t mean you need to respond to your friends immediately or be at their beck and call, but completely ignoring them is not the way to go about it either.
If being a good friend isn’t hard enough, technology has caused us to lose our “third places.”
This term, which I first heard used in a video essay by Mina Le, means a place other than home or work where people can interact and socialize. These could be anywhere from coffee shops and parks to movie theaters and arcades; all that matters is that it is recreational and you are there with other people.
With technologic in the picture, however, many of these places have lost their value in the eyes of consumers. Why go to the movies when you can watch it at home? I can play games on my phone that are identical to arcades, so what’s the point? I don’t have to see my friends when I can just FaceTime them, so why would I put in the effort to commute to a coffee shop?
Technology gives us the illusion that connection can happen miles apart, but in reality, human connection can’t happen if we’re not side by side, experiencing the world together.
This deception is strong, with movie-going becoming more infrequent and other industries struggling to get the same interest as before from consumers. COVID-19, of course, also had a lot to do with it, but without technology, we wouldn’t have any alternatives for entertainment and socializing.
It doesn’t help that going out can also cost a great deal of money.
A coffee shop hangout with a friend, where you order one coffee and one dessert, could easily cost you $10 that you could have put towards gas or any other necessity. Why go out with a friend when you have bills to pay? The cost of going out can be enough to hinder anyone from visiting a third place, even if it still exists.
This is predominantly an issue with the United States. In Albania, where I’m from, coffee shop culture is a major part of day-to-day life because of how affordable it is in comparison. Friends sit at coffee shops for hours over coffee, and it doesn’t cost them all their gas money. Many countries around the world are the same way because being with a friend shouldn’t cost you anything; it should be enriching you.
Outside of coffee shops, without student discounts, things like the aquarium or a museum can cost anywhere from 20 to 40 dollars. Socializing is now an expense that is becoming harder to justify.
The world we live in is becoming a scary place for friendships to grow and thrive, and, as a result, it’s not a surprise that more and more people are feeling lonely even if we’re more connected than ever.
So, remember, be kind to those that matter, help out your friends when they’re in need, and push yourself to spend time with your friends, even if the internet is telling you to “protect your peace.”
