Article by: Matt Altieri

I never thought the day would come, but I think I’m in love with a Republican. Junior Senator and Finance Committee member Olympia Snowe, if I didn’t have a girlfriend I would marry you in a second.

Maybe it’s those gorgeous, brown, Greek eyes of yours, or the way your red suit compliments your poufy, pulled back hair, or maybe it’s the way Time said you were one of America’s Top Ten Senators in 2006. But no, I know exactly what it is: you and the rest of the Senate Finance Committee voted 14-9 to pass health care reform that, according to CNN, is a “$829 billion plan projected to extend coverage to an additional 29 million Americans.” Billion dollar health care plans for Americans make me so hot.

Snowe also outlined to us how even though she’s unsure of this bill, she understands that now is a time to take a stand on something so important. CNN reports that Snowe commented, “Is this bill all that I would want? Far from it,” she said. “Is it all that it can be? No. But when history calls, history calls. And I happen to think that the consequences of inaction dictate the urgency of Congress [taking] every opportunity to demonstrate its capacity to solve the monumental issues of our time.”

What’s even kinkier about this bill is that not only will we receive additional health care, but just like that gigolo Bill Clinton, she’s lowering our national debt at the same time!

CNN reports, “the Finance Committee’s bill would cut the national deficit by roughly $80 billion over the next 10 years while expanding coverage to 94 percent of the country’s non-elderly population.”

Olympia Snowe, get out of my dreams and into my bed. In fact, you make Diana DeGette and Nancy Pelosi look like ugly stepsisters when it comes to health care reform. Oh, Senator Snowe, I’ll put a ring on your finger faster than you could say “universal health care.”