In one of Vogue’s most recent opinion articles, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Chanté Joseph examines the societal implications of a boyfriend on display, sparking a vibrant online debate — primarily driven by the blatantly hyperbolic headline.
My TikTok For You Page has become flooded with passionate opinions regarding the impact of Vogue publishing such an article. Single women felt liberated and as though the all-mighty Vogue had approved their social standing, and therefore, being without a boyfriend, with a sudden magic wave of an article, became “cool.”
However, other women immediately jumped to posting videos showcasing their boyfriends on display and defending their happiness.
Ironically, the article itself doesn’t condemn the act of having a boyfriend, but merely criticizes their overwhelming presence on their partner’s Instagrams. The majority of the online discourse failed to relate to the article and instead seemed to be a primitive response to the successful provocation of traditional heterosexual norms by its headline.
So, why did this headline strike such a nerve with the public? Either the title was simply successful in its journalistic act of baiting an emotional response from readers, which was then ignited by online algorithms, or this headline was salt in a particular patriarchal wound.
This title resonates with the many women who are desperate for a new norm to help them escape the chains of a suppressive structure that continues to burden the act of romantic pursuit. They saw this headline as a progressive leap.
The history of dating is inherently intertwined with the patriarchy and after hundreds of years of societal expectations of women to be courted, date and marry, having a romantic male presence continues to be seen as an achievement for women, one that is intrinsically connected to their worth as humans, instead of being seen as the rare and serendipitous event that true love and partnership really are.
Vogue seemingly challenges this harmful notion with an article that appears progressive and freeing for women. Unfortunately, it is ultimately a deceiving illusion of female liberation. It is instead moving the cage from one group of women to another, merely transferring the insecurity and judgment that surround women dating rather than abolishing it.
By tethering any form of societal response, whether that’s praise or shame, to the act of dating, women are stuck in the patriarchal performance it entails. Any form of public opinion on a woman’s status continues to center men by keeping women in a stigmatized, gendered box — regardless of whether that’s being single or a girlfriend.
Not only that, but where is the point of origin of this embarrassment? If there is any reason for a woman to be embarrassed by her boyfriend, it would likely be because the boyfriend is doing something fundamentally embarrassing — most likely acting in a misogynistic way, which tends to be one of the biggest turn-offs for women. So, not only are women being shamed for the actions of men, but ultimately, men are absolved from their harmful actions that are causing this embarrassment.
Joseph also briefly touches on heterofatalism; the idea that heterosexual relationships are doomed to fail, and that it is an innate issue with modern dating that cannot be solved.
This theme, popularized by the ladies, is part of the reason why this Vogue headline is so alluring and presents an easily graspable concept for the many women who are hurting. Single women are eager to be free from the pressure of relationships, especially during a time when many women feel men are not fulfilling their romantic expectations.
However, it is important to recognize that the creation of more cultural opinions on women will result in the proliferation of the patriarchy that constantly criticizes and demands a certain status from women.
The public must critically examine responses to reactive media and question whether the ideas being formed in these responses truly help to dismantle systems of oppression or not. I applaud all the TikTok examinations and analyses that were conducted when this article was published, as they represent an inclusive and innovative way of igniting critical thought and attention to the media that we are constantly bombarded by.
