Article By: Brayden Varr

We’ve all heard it, and many of us are guilty of saying the ever-common phrase “to be honest.” The rude behavior has transcended from behind the back, to right in your face. But who’s to say that being “honest,” is truly the best way. Better yet, when will appropriate behavior be reaffirmed as the appropriate thing to do? Besides, we are taught to study our past, and our past reaffirms appropriate behavior.

I still remain unconvinced as to how this three word phrase is capable of preventing hard feelings from even the harshest insults. It seems the generalized idea is that with any statement, no matter the content, subject, or callousness of it, is fine to say because you were being honest, and that’s what people want.

As conditional as this situation may be, whenever I ask for opinions I would appreciate some sympathy from a friend or even an acquaintance of sorts. However, it seems as though the attitude among many is that honesty is the best policy, no matter the consequences. But how will these harsh attitudes promote friendship?

What’s worse is most college students don’t even exhibit the proper stature to justify their remarks towards such. Who are you to say something is poorly written? Where is your degree? Oh wait, we’re both undergraduates. We’re both still learning.

It’s not just critiques, but overall behavior. Up until now, when was it ever “okay” to be disrespectful? Promoting your ideas by radically screaming your thoughts is in no manner effective. Here in the United States, we consider suicide bombers to be barbaric because of the way they promote their beliefs. Appropriate actions often, not all of the time, receive a stronger reaction with more lasting effects.

In a previously written article I addressed gay rights and found current demonstrations inappropriate, and the state of New York agrees. In time, hopefully, the demonstrations for the need of equality will become more suitable, and hopefully the playing field will level out. Like what Martin Luther King did for civil rights and Ghandi did for India. Both leaders lead a more levelheaded, more reserved fight, which in time was met with the outcome they desired.

Now of course, being an opinion writer, I am in no way saying keep back your opinions. Vocalize your thoughts, get your ideas out there, and don’t contain them. But to be better heard and better received, water them down and deradicalize.

Better yet, back up your argument, or at least have a degree of some sort to support your claims. No one is going to listen to an 18 to 21- year -old screaming about some cause that they feel so strongly about, and no one is going to be your friend if you constantly ridicule everything they do.

As a previous employee of a childcare facility which focuses on working with people and building connections, we were often instructed to “sandwich” everything we had to say. When parents asked for reports we immediately responded with a good quality, followed by a bad, followed by a good. This way the parent walked away knowing that their child truly isn’t the demon that we may sometimes feel like they are. If we didn’t have anything good to say, we didn’t have anything bad to say. Granted, no system is perfect, but it seemed to work well.

Maybe people’s intentions aren’t to be rude, but to be helpful. Critiques are always welcomed, when asked for, that is. Besides, how is leaving your friend with a feeling of dismay in any manner helpful? The purpose of a critique is to assist on improving something, not just tearing it apart.

Sure, you may or may not like this article I’ve written,and I don’t like the skirt you’re wearing, but why be blatantly rude about it? Legitimize your thoughts. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it.